This article is part of the Biblically-Informed Framework for Retirement Stewardship. It was initially published in December 2016 but was updated in January 2026.
I recently read a very enlightening article titled, “Study: Money Secrets and Sluggish Savings Put Couples’ Retirement Dreams at Risk.” The study, which was conducted by nerdwallet.com and Harris Poll, showed some very concerning trends in communication by couples about retirement:
- 21 percent of Americans have no idea how much their spouse has saved for retirement.
- 21 percent of Americans have not told their spouse how much they have saved for retirement.
- 43 percent of Americans don’t consult with their spouse before making trading decisions.
- 52 percent of Americans have not determined how much they need to save to retire comfortably.
What are we to make of this? Well, it seems many couples prefer to mostly just skim the surface when talking about retirement. The article goes on to say:
It’s fun to think about what the future may hold, but apparently only to a point. Three out of four (76 percent) Americans in a relationship where at least one [spouse] is saving for retirement say they’ve discussed general retirement planning issues, such as at what age they want to retire, where they want to live, and what they want to do. But, the conversation seems to trail off when it comes to calculating the specifics.
We tend to focus on generalities when talking about retirement and often don’t go deeply enough into the financial details to develop a plan that will help make our particular vision or idea of retirement a reality.
In this article, I’ll discuss some of the reasons for these challenges and an approach for having these important conversations. I’ll also show how the Biblical Framework for Retirement Stewardship provides a helpful structure for organizing your retirement conversations around three key principles.
Why this matters
Effective communication about retirement involves more than just financial planning—it encompasses all three principles of biblical retirement stewardship:
Self-Sustaining Principle – Can we afford to retire without burdening our children or others? How much do we need? Are we on track? These are the financial conversations many couples avoid but desperately need to have.
Caregiving Principle – How will we care for aging parents? What happens if one of us needs care? Have we discussed long-term care insurance, estate planning, and end-of-life wishes? These conversations are often more uncomfortable than financial ones.
Ministry Principle – What does God want us to do in retirement? How can we use our time, talents, and resources for His glory and others’ good? This is where vision and purpose come together.
When couples struggle to communicate about retirement, they often focus narrowly on one principle (usually finances) while neglecting the others. A comprehensive approach addresses all three, helping couples build a shared vision that’s both practical and purposeful.
Celebrate and leverage your differences
There are probably lots of reasons for the statistics I cited above.
For some, retirement just seems so far off. Another may be some level of discomfort discussing “end of life” matters of any kind. But I think one thing, in particular, can be the different temperaments of each spouse. It’s important for couples to recognize these differences in each other and how they may affect their discussions about retirement.
Dave Ramsey reminds us that, typically, one spouse is more of a “nerd” who loves crunching numbers and saving to meet specific goals. That spouse can probably give you all the details about a couple’s savings, investing, budgeting, and future income needs in retirement.
The other, which Dave refers to as the “free spirit,” simply likes what money can buy (things, experiences, etc.)—in other words, the journey rather than the destination. The nerd naturally wants to micro-manage things, but that can make the free-spirited spouse feel distant and even controlled. In some marriages, it can even cause resentment and distrust.
These differences don’t naturally facilitate good communication: the free spirit wants to talk about what they plan to do in retirement, whereas the nerd is more focused on how they plan to pay for it.
In reality, both perspectives are needed to put a good retirement plan in place. The nerd and the free spirit need to work together.
How this relates to the three principles: The “nerd” typically gravitates toward Self-Sustaining Principle conversations (numbers, projections, withdrawal rates), while the “free spirit” often focuses more naturally on Ministry Principle discussions (purpose, activities, service). Both perspectives are essential—you need the nerd’s attention to financial sustainability AND the free spirit’s focus on purposeful living. The Caregiving Principle often gets neglected by both unless they intentionally bring it into the conversation.
If this sounds familiar, you need to embrace your differences!
Nerd, you need your free spirit to help you lighten up and live—dream, then plan. Free spirit, you need your nerd to help put a plan in place to realize your dreams—you need the structure and their attention to detail. If the two of you can learn to appreciate those differences, you’ll find that your communication is much more enjoyable and productive.
Start with a shared vision
A big part of retirement stewardship is planning, so you and your spouse need to plan together. You’re in this together, even if just one will eventually retire from a full-time job:
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 ESV)
Listen up, you nerds out there: good planning starts with imagining. Chris Hogan (part of Dave Ramsey’s team), in his recently published book, Retire Inspired, stresses the importance of envisioning what you want your retirement years to be like:
It is time that we started reclaiming the idea of retirement. Retirement is not the finish line; it is the new beginning. Retirement is not your last paragraph; it is the long, rich, rewarding final chapters of your own book—as many pages as you can dream up. Retirement is not the end of your life; it is the beginning of the best years of your life!
Chris is saying that retirement can be the start of a new, exciting, and productive stage of life, but only if you craft a vision of what it looks like for you. And it’s equally important that couples have a shared vision of retirement and how to get there.
Couples need to discuss when and where they want to retire, and especially how they want to spend their time. As Christians, we also recognize that God has a purpose for all the days of our lives, and understanding His purpose for us in retirement is an essential starting point.
Using the framework for vision conversations: The three principles provide natural conversation starters:
- Self-Sustaining: “Can we afford to retire at [age]? What lifestyle can we sustainably maintain?”
- Caregiving: “What if Mom needs to move in with us? How do we prepare for the possibility one of us needs care?”
- Ministry: “What does God want us to do with this season? How can we serve more effectively?”
But if our hopes and dreams are going to become a reality, we have to have a plan. And a good one is one that both spouses understand and can buy into, and most importantly, both know what they need to do to make it work. Going forward, they will also need to know whether they’re on track.
All of this means having more in-depth conversations about financial matters, such as retirement, is something many couples struggle with, judging by the statistics cited above.
It’s an ongoing thing
My wife and I have often talked about retirement. Not surprisingly, our conversations have been more frequent as we’ve gotten a little older and now that we’re actually in retirement.
Some conversations are pretty general, while others are more focused on the financial details. In the latter, I want my wife to know how much we’re saving (or were saving when working), how much we have saved, and how I’m investing our savings. We also talk about income and expenses in retirement and maintain a budget, though it’s more flexible than during our working years.
My wife doesn’t want all the gory details—sometimes she’ll say, “OK, that’s enough information for now…” (typical free spirit)—but I do want her to have a good general understanding of things and make sure she’s comfortable with what I’m doing on behalf of us both.
Also, since we invest our retirement savings, I want her to understand the risks involved and to assure her that I’m moderately conservative in my investment choices. We sometimes talk about specific investments, but not in much detail. For example, I want her to know that I invest in mutual funds and ETFs, not individual stocks.
As I approached retirement from my full-time, salaried job, our conversations shifted to the practical implications. This significantly impacted both of us.
As we get closer to retirement and now live in it, there are many details to discuss.
Things like the financial implications (can we afford to retire, how much income will we have, and managing withdrawals). Also, timing (when can we/should we retire), housing decisions (do we stay or move), medical care (Medicare in particular), and what God wants us to do while we’re retired.
We’ve discussed how we devote time to serving in our local church, occasional travel, and spending time doing things we enjoy (hobbies, grandchildren, etc.). We haven’t discussed moving to another city or state or making any significant lifestyle changes—we’re where we believe God wants us to be for now.
All three principles in practice: Looking back, I can see how our conversations naturally touched all three areas. Financial sustainability discussions (Self-Sustaining Principle) were most frequent. But we also talked about caring for aging parents and our own future care needs (Caregiving Principle), as well as church ministry opportunities and how to use our time purposefully (Ministry Principle). The framework helped us ensure we weren’t neglecting any critical area.
I think biblical retirement stewardship means that Christians should make retirement decisions based on God’s plan and purpose for their lives and not just a desire to live in a particular locale or to pursue a particular lifestyle. Of course, it’s certainly possible that God could give you a desire and the means to move to a particular area because He has a specific plan and purpose for you there, in which case I say “go for it!”
Take action
Couples should start talking about retirement stewardship when they’re in their 20s and 30s. You may not have any idea about when or where, or to what, you might retire. But you can start discussing how you will save and invest for the long haul, which I discuss at length in this article.
If communication about how you will retire is a weak area of communication in your marriage, then it’s time to take action, especially if you’re older. Chris Hogan (Retire Inspired) again reminds us that planning is essential, but you have to take steps to realize your goals:
Planning is the process where you connect your actions to your goals…Execution means taking the right steps at the right time.
So what actions can you take to ensure that you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to retirement? Here are some suggestions that will apply to most couples, regardless of age:
1. Pray for guidance and wisdom
Prayer is important in all areas of personal finance, but especially retirement stewardship and planning. The decisions you make will have a long-term impact. Pray specifically about:
- Financial provision and wisdom (Self-Sustaining Principle)
- Caring for aging parents and each other (Caregiving Principle)
- God’s purpose and calling for this season (Ministry Principle)
2. View retirement through the lens of biblical stewardship
In my description of retirement stewardship, I explain that we have a responsibility to use the time, talents, and treasure that God has given us for His glory throughout our lives, including so-called “retirement.”
The Biblical Framework for Retirement Stewardship organizes this responsibility around three principles:
- Self-Sustaining: Planning wisely so we don’t burden others unnecessarily
- Caregiving: Preparing to both give and receive care as we age
- Ministry: Continuing to bear fruit and serve God’s purposes in every season
Understanding these three principles helps couples have more comprehensive retirement conversations rather than focusing solely on finances.
3. Work together as partners
You’re in this together. Even if only one partner is “retiring” from a job, it will have a significant impact on both of you. Most decisions you make will not affect just one of you, so discussing things and making decisions together is paramount.
4. Have a “retirement dream session”
Take some time to consider what your “dream retirement” might be. Talk about the things you’d like to do (and not do). The goals of the conversation, and it may take several conversations to get there, are to develop a shared vision for retirement.
Structure your dream session around the three principles:
- Self-Sustaining: What lifestyle can we sustainably afford? Where will we live?
- Caregiving: How will we care for parents? What arrangements do we need for our own future care?
- Ministry: How does God want us to serve? What ministries or purposes excite us?
You may find that you don’t plan to make a lot of significant changes, or you may decide to do something more extreme. The most important thing is that you and your spouse discuss it and come away with a shared perspective.
5. Define some specific goals
Goal setting is a form of practical dreaming—and who doesn’t like to dream about what the future could be? It isn’t just about financial goals; it can be other things.
Goals organized by principle:
Self-Sustaining goals:
- Save $X by age Y
- Pay off mortgage by retirement
- Generate $X income in retirement
- Maintain emergency fund of $X
Caregiving goals:
- Purchase long-term care insurance by age X
- Complete estate planning documents
- Have “the conversation” with aging parents about their care preferences
- Research retirement communities or aging-in-place modifications
Ministry goals:
- Increase church involvement to X hours per week
- Take one missions trip per year
- Mentor younger couples
- Start a Bible study or ministry
- Use professional skills to serve non-profits
6. Hold some retirement planning sessions
Now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. Once you have a vision for your retirement and some specific goals, you need to come up with a plan for realizing it.
Organize planning sessions by principle to ensure comprehensive coverage:
Session 1: Self-Sustaining Principle
- How much have we saved?
- How much do we need to save?
- How are we investing?
- What income sources will we have? (Social Security, pensions, etc.)
- When and how will we generate income during retirement?
- Review spending patterns and identify ways to save
Session 2: Caregiving Principle
- What’s our plan if parents need care?
- Do we have wills, powers of attorney, healthcare directives?
- Should we consider long-term care insurance?
- What are our wishes for our own care?
- Who will make decisions if we can’t?
Session 3: Ministry Principle
- What’s God calling us to do in retirement?
- How can we use our time, talents, and treasure for kingdom purposes?
- What ministries interest us?
- How will we balance service with rest and family?
- What legacy do we want to leave?
7. Get help if you need it
Engaging a third party to help facilitate your discussions may help. A good candidate is your financial planner/advisor or a financial coach, especially if he or she has experience with retirement planning. You may need the most help with the financial side of things (Self-Sustaining Principle), and that’s where a trusted financial professional can help.
For Caregiving Principle discussions, consider consulting with an estate planning attorney or elder care specialist. For Ministry Principle clarity, your pastor or a spiritual mentor may provide valuable guidance.
If you use a financial advisor, just make sure they adhere to the “fiduciary standard.”
8. Implement your plan
Now comes the hardest part. After you have set goals and expectations for retirement across all three principles, determined how much money will be needed, shared how much money you’re saving, learned how much your spouse or partner is saving, talked about how your savings are invested, discussed caregiving arrangements, and clarified your ministry calling, you can work with your advisors about how best to implement your plan.
Remember, having a plan is not enough—you must implement the plan to reach your goals.
9. Schedule regular check-up discussions
Once you have your goals and plans in place and are working toward them, set up regular meetings to check on your progress. Consider quarterly or semi-annual reviews that touch all three principles:
Quarterly brief check-ins:
- Are we on track financially? (Self-Sustaining)
- Any changes in parents’ health or our own? (Caregiving)
- Are we finding meaningful ways to serve? (Ministry)
Annual in-depth reviews:
- Comprehensive financial review and adjustments
- Update estate planning documents if needed
- Reflect on past year’s service and plan next year’s ministry involvement
- Adjust plans as circumstances change
Start communicating and working together
How is your communication with your spouse in this area? Ask yourself these simple questions: Do you discuss the subject at all? Have you discussed your vision of retirement with each other? Do you have a plan at any level of detail? Do you know how much your spouse/partner is setting aside for retirement? Does he or she know how much you’re saving? Does your spouse understand what you’re investing in and why?
Additional questions to consider:
- Have we discussed what happens if one of us needs long-term care? (Caregiving)
- Do we both understand our estate planning documents? (Caregiving)
- Have we talked about how we’ll spend our time in retirement? (Ministry)
- Do we share a vision for how God wants us to serve? (Ministry)
Your answers may be very revealing of the level of communication in this area in your marriage.
As you can see, there is only one answer to this problem of the general lack of communication in marriage about finances and the more specific area of retirement planning: simply communicate and work together. There is no magic formula—it will take prayer, hard work, diligence, and patience; but of course, so does marriage!
The framework helps: Using the three principles of the Biblical Framework for Retirement Stewardship—Self-Sustaining, Caregiving, and Ministry—provides structure for your conversations. Instead of having vague discussions about “retirement someday,” you can systematically address the financial sustainability question, the caregiving realities, and the ministry calling God has for you in this season. This comprehensive approach ensures you’re not just planning to stop working, but planning to steward this season of life faithfully and well.