I don’t want to be morbid, but the reality is that one spouse in a marriage will almost certainly outlive the other. It’s also likely that the surviving spouse could live a very long time. According to actuarial data, there’s approximately a 50% probability that at least one spouse in a healthy 65-year-old couple will live to age 90 or beyond.
Therefore, since one of you may live many years alone, there are things you can do now to love your future widow or widower:
Loving them through wise Social Security planning
The long-term wisdom of optimizing Social Security benefits is essential for widows and widowers who may live decades in retirement without their spouse.
We tend to think about maximizing retirement income while we’re both here (presumably to enjoy it together) and don’t always give enough thought to what our surviving spouse may face after we’re gone.
Research from the Center for Retirement Research shows that a large share of married couples fail to consider their spouses when deciding when to start Social Security benefits. The studies found that regardless of how survivor benefits information was presented, many people—particularly husbands—weren’t persuaded to delay their own benefits to one day help their widows.
The financial impact is significant: An average widow’s total income drops by approximately 35% when a husband passes away. The earlier the husband started his benefits, the larger the drop in the widow’s income after the couple’s second Social Security check stops.
The math
Here’s why delaying matters so much:
If the higher-earning spouse claims at age 62:
- They receive about 70% of their Full Retirement Age (FRA) benefit
- The survivor eventually receives 100% of that reduced amount
- Result: A permanently reduced survivor benefit
If the higher-earning spouse delays until age 70:
- They receive 124% of their FRA benefit
- The survivor eventually receives 100% of that enhanced amount
- Result: A significantly higher survivor benefit that can last for decades
Example with numbers:
- FRA benefit: $2,500/month
- If claimed at 62: Survivor gets ~$1,750/month
- If delayed to 70: Survivor gets ~$3,100/month
- Difference: $1,350/month for life ($16,200/year)
If your widow lives 20 years after your death, that claiming decision could mean a difference of over $320,000 in lifetime benefits. That’s loving stewardship.
The 2025 game-changer for public employees
Major update: If you or your spouse worked in a job not covered by Social Security (teachers, firefighters, police officers, many government employees), you need to know about a significant change.
The Social Security Fairness Act, signed into law on January 5, 2025, eliminated the Government Pension Offset (GPO), which previously reduced or eliminated survivor benefits for people who also received a non-covered pension.
What this means:
- Before 2024: A widow with a teacher’s pension might have lost all or most of her survivor benefits
- After January 2024: The GPO no longer applies—widows keep their full survivor benefit
If this affects you, and you haven’t seen retroactive payments (back to January 2024), contact Social Security immediately.
Who does this matter most for
The more dependent you and your spouse are (or will be) on Social Security to provide your retirement income, the more critical these decisions become.
Studies show that Social Security typically accounts for 40% to 70% of retirement income for most Americans. For many couples, it’s even higher. Taking the “long view” when making claiming decisions is good stewardship because it’s genuinely loving toward the surviving spouse—typically the wife, who statistically lives longer.
The goal: Ensure your surviving spouse will be financially independent for as long as she (or he, if the wife was the primary breadwinner) lives.
Other ways to love your widow (or widower)
Financial simplification
I’ve written previously about pursuing financial simplicity. Consolidating accounts, simplifying investments, and organizing your financial life can be an extraordinary gift to your surviving spouse.
Consider:
- Consolidating multiple IRAs into one or two accounts
- Moving old 401(k)s to IRAs
- Simplifying your investment strategy
- Organizing important documents in one accessible location
- Creating a list of all accounts with contact information
- Setting up accounts for easy online access
Maximize guaranteed income sources
Beyond Social Security, consider:
- Annuities that continue payments to your spouse
- Pension decisions that include survivor benefits (even if they reduce your payment)
- Life insurance appropriate to your situation
Automate and establish systems
Set up:
- Automatic bill payments
- Regular, sustainable withdrawal rates from retirement accounts
- Direct deposit for all income sources
- Relationships with trusted financial professionals who can help
Complete estate planning
Have in place:
- An up-to-date will
- A trust if needed
- Healthcare directives and power of attorney
- Beneficiary designations (reviewed regularly)
- A clear estate plan your spouse understands
The “Final Letter”: Your Most Important Love Letter
Beyond legal documents, I strongly urge you to write what I call a “final letter”—a comprehensive document for your surviving spouse that includes everything they’ll need to know.
This letter is not a legal document. It’s a practical, personal guide that changes more frequently than your will, so it makes sense as a separate document.
What to Include in Your Final Letter:
Financial Information:
- Location of all important documents
- Complete list of all accounts (bank, investment, retirement) with account numbers and contact information
- Credit card accounts and debts
- Usernames and passwords (stored securely)
- Monthly cash flow—what comes in and goes out
- Instructions for accessing online accounts
Insurance:
- Life insurance policies with beneficiaries
- Health insurance information
- Long-term care insurance
- Auto and home insurance
- Where policies are located
Professional Contacts:
- Financial advisor
- Attorney
- Accountant/tax preparer
- Insurance agents
- Doctor contact information
Personal Wishes:
- Final care wishes
- Funeral preferences
- Memorial service thoughts
- Burial arrangements (and whether pre-paid)
Practical Details:
- Where valuables are located
- Sentimental items and who should receive them
- Online accounts and how to access or close them
- Subscription services to cancel
- Social media account wishes
- Digital assets and how to access them
Business/Work Information:
- If self-employed or own a business
- Blog or website information (like this one!)
- Any ongoing commitments or contracts
Personal Messages:
- Words of love and encouragement
- Your faith testimony
- Hopes and prayers for their future
- Permission to grieve and then live fully
My Template for You
After I originally published an article about this, several readers asked if I could share my letter as a template. I’ve created a redacted version with personal information removed:
Letter From Your Spouse Who Is Now in Heaven (Sample Template)
My letter is almost six typewritten pages with detailed information, instructions, and suggestions specific to our situation. Your situation will be different, so your letter will be different. But this will give you an idea of the scope and content to consider.
Where to Store Your Final Letter
- Keep one copy at home with your estate planning documents (not in a safe deposit box, which may be hard to access)
- Keep one copy with your attorney
- Consider a secure cloud storage copy
- Update it every year or two
Important: Make sure your spouse knows this letter exists and where to find it.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
I can’t stress strongly enough how important this is, especially for whichever spouse handles the finances in your family.
This is an “open after I’m gone” letter. Most people never write this letter because:
- They don’t want to think about death
- They don’t know where to start
- It feels morbid or depressing
- They keep putting it off
But writing this letter is an act of profound love. It says: “I care about you so much that I want to make this difficult time as manageable as possible for you.”
It’s strange writing a letter imagining you’re deceased. I included some tongue-in-cheek comments here and there (who wouldn’t want a chuckle reading such a letter?), but primarily I provided crucial information and instruction that would otherwise be lost or take months to figure out.
The Spiritual Foundation
All of this flows from a theology of stewardship and love.
1 Timothy 5:8 tells us: “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
This provision extends beyond our death. We’re called to provide for those God has entrusted to our care—not just while we’re alive, but through wise planning that serves them after we’re gone.
Ephesians 5:25 says: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Part of that sacrificial love is making decisions now—like delaying Social Security benefits—that cost us something in the short term but provide significantly for our wives in the future.
This is loving stewardship in action.
Take Action This Year
If you haven’t already:
- Review your Social Security claiming strategy with your spouse in mind
- Simplify and organize your financial life
- Update your estate planning documents
- Write or update your final letter
- Have a conversation with your spouse about all of this
These aren’t comfortable conversations. They’re not fun tasks. But they’re among the most loving things you can do for your spouse.
Your surviving spouse may one day thank you—through tears of grief mixed with gratitude—for this act of love you performed while you were still here on earth.
This is stewardship. This is love. This is faithfulness to the end.
Related Articles:
- Understanding and Navigating Social Security Survivor Benefits
- Why You Should Consider Delaying Social Security Benefits
- Estate Planning and Your Will
- Things You Can Do to Pursue Financial Simplicity
Updates in this version:
- Added 2025 actuarial life expectancy data
- Included Social Security Fairness Act/GPO elimination information
- Updated Social Security claiming age examples and percentages
- Added more specific dollar examples showing the impact of claiming decisions
- Expanded the Final Letter section with more detailed categories
- Strengthened the theological foundation
- Made the call-to-action more specific and actionable
Old
In my last post, I suggested some New Year’s resolutions you may want to consider. In this article, I want to carry that theme forward, but in a slightly different way.
Not too long ago, I read an article on the Center for Retirement Research website titled “Husbands Ignore Future Widows Needs.”
As I read the article, it occurred to me that there are several ways a husband (although these could also apply to a wife) can “love their widow (or widower).”
I don’t want to be morbid, but the reality is that one of you is almost certainly going to outlive the other. And it’s also very possible that the surviving spouse could live a very long time. (Actuarily, the lifespan of at least one spouse in a couple is 89 years.)
Therefore, since one of you may live a long time, there are things you can do now to love your future widow or widower in the future:
Loving them through wise planning
The main focus of the article was the wisdom of optimizing Social Security benefits over the long term, particularly for widows who may live a long time in retirement without their husbands.
We tend to think about optimizing retirement income while we are here (presumably to enjoy it) and don’t always give enough thought to what our surviving spouse may be facing after we’re gone.
The article noted that,
Previous research has shown that a large minority fail to take their wives into account when deciding to start their Social Security. A new study confirms… Regardless of the way the survivor benefits were displayed, the men weren’t persuaded to postpone their own benefits to one day help their widows. Potential explanations include their feelings about work, existing health issues, and whether they will get a defined benefit pension from an employer.
The article also said,
… an average widow’s total income drops 35 percent when a husband passes away… The earlier the husband had started his benefits, the larger the drop in the widow’s income after the couple’s second Social Security check stops coming in.
The more dependent you and your spouse are (or will be) on Social Security to provide a significant percentage of your income in retirement (studies show that percentages generally range from 40% to 70%), the more critical this becomes.
Taking the “long view” when making Social Security claiming decisions is good stewardship because it’s loving toward the surviving spouse (which is typically the wife). The goal would be, since it’s within your ability, to ensure that your surviving spouse will be financially independent for as long as she (or he, if the wife was the primary breadwinner) lives.
There are other ways to love your widow/widower. I previously wrote an article titled “Things you can do to pursue financial simplicity…” Simplifying and consolidating is something that can assist your surviving spouse and those who are helping her.
Other ways include maximizing guaranteed income sources (such as Social Security and annuities), automating sustainable savings withdrawal rates, and having professionals in place to assist.
I wrote a couple of other articles about estate planning and having all your final documents in place, especially your will (and trust if you need one), and also what I call a “final letter.”
Loving them with a “final letter”
I want to inject another “loving toward your widow or widower” gesture into this conversation: the “final letter.” I have written about this previously in an article titled “Estate Planning and Your Will.” I described it this way:
The letter contains all the details that my wife, and/or an executor or personal representative needs to know if I am gone or incapacitated. The letter is not a legal document per se,’ and the information changes more frequently than the information in my will, so it makes a lot of sense for it to be a separate document.
You can use these documents to cover such things as, among others: the probate process, the locations of wills/essential documents/valuables, final care wishes, gifts, computer and online account access, inventory of assets, account management, and cash flow, insurance policies in force, business transition, investment management including lifetime income, and recommended contacts.
I can’t stress strongly enough how important this is, especially for whichever spouse is the finance “nerd” in the family. This document is an “open after I’m gone” letter. Most people don’t ever write this letter because they don’t want to think about the end of life, or because they don’t know where to start. (It is strange writing a letter while imagining that you are dead.)
In addition to some tongue-in-cheek comments here and there (who wouldn’t want a chuckle if they had to read a letter like this), I mainly provided information and instruction on our financial (banking and investment) and insurance accounts. But I also offered some miscellaneous information, such as information on where this blog is hosted, etc., and other online services that I use, such as my cloud accounts. Some accounts and valuables may be listed in your will or revocable living trust, but many are not.
Also, the typical estate planning documents do not have contact information for your professional advisors, usernames, and passwords for your accounts, or notes and instructions. You ought to specify the location and approximate value of your important possessions. Your major accounts may have named beneficiaries, but what about sentimental pieces like jewelry, art, or vehicles. Specify exactly which sentimental items go to whom (if you didn’t already do in your will). Your Financial Inventory will make things much easier for your surviving spouse and/or your other beneficiaries. However, it will also prove to be a valuable tool for you by forcing you to organize your financial life.
You would keep a copy of the letter at home with your estate planning documents and one with your attorney. Storing it in a safe deposit box might make it difficult for your beneficiaries to access it. Update the letter frequently to make sure it says what you want to say. I update mine every year or two. I keep a copy in my fire safe at home and another in my cloud account.
After I published that article, a kind reader wrote to me and asked if I could share the framework of my letter as a template that others might use.
Since it’s a new year, and I want to STRONGLY URGE anyone who has not done so to write such a letter, I’ve decided to help you get started. Here is a link to my actual letter, with all personal/confidential data redacted. It will give you an idea of the things I included in my letter and hopefully help you to write your own. My letter is almost six typewritten pages as I have included a lot of detailed information, instructions, and suggestions specific to our situation (which, of course, are not in this sample).
“Letter From Your Husband Who is Now in Heaven“
Your situation may be very different from mine, so your letter (and expressed wishes and desires) will be different. However, my letter will give you an idea of the scope of the document and some of the specific content I chose to include. My hope and prayer are that it will inspire you to write your own “Letter From Your Husband Who is Now (or almost) in Heaven.” Your surviving spouse may one day thank you for that act of love while you were still on this earth.
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